"Good fences make good neighbors." ~Robert Frost
I have boundaries to keep me safe. They fence addiction in and leave me running free.
I shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of my husband's STUFF. It's his.
But once upon a time, he lost his temper. I have boundaries to protect me from his temper. I have to maintain them otherwise I'll try and pacify his temper... medicate it with whatever means I have to offer: cookies, back rubs, steak, sex.
Every man's dream, right?
I'm retraining my brain to STOP DOING THAT. In the meantime, my stopping my attempts at medicating doesn't equate him stopping losing his temper. That's just not how life works.
So he lost it. I didn't medicate, and I was clear and calm about what I was not okay with. The aftermath of the temper losing needed some clean up, and he mopped up what he could.
But he couldn't mop up one thing: he broke the latch on the driver's side of the car door when he slammed it.
Where's the boundary for THAT? Where's the boundary that says he can drive the car with a broken door but I don't have to? It's HIS stuff, and yet: I find myself on the catching end of it in a small way.
It may seem small, but it's taught me a very great lesson.
Boundaries are vital because I've been prone to accepting abusive behavior. But boundaries aren't fool proof.
And THANK. GOD.
I DO thank God.
The hurt, the pain, the offense, the injustice of my husband's addiction isn't fair. I can do everything in my power to protect myself, but pain WILL jump the boundary fence. Pain, hurt, fear, suffering... they all have fence hopping skills. And when I suffer at the hands of this addiction, I am given the opportunity to turn to my Savior. I am given the opportunity to apply the healing balm of the Atonement.
I suffer at the hands of injustice, just like everyone else -including my husband.
My children will hurt me.
My neighbors will hurt me.
And, like the mother of a dear friend said, "Everyone in this life will let you down. Even your best friends, even your siblings, and even your parents. But there is ONE PERSON who will never let you down."
The same God I thank for the fact that boundaries are leaky fences.
Were they not, I would find myself fenced IN by boundaries: caged, cold, and distant.
This earth is a Family University, masterfully designed by a loving Father. We are here for the ultimate education, and this involves practice which involves mistakes which involves learning which means EDUCATION.
I hurt others.
Others hurt me.
And thanks to our loving Father and Brother, and a perfect plan of Salvation and Redemption... we can be a happy family.
You and I... we can be happy, fellow scholars.
My husband and I... we can be happy, fellow scholars because of hurts and pains, because of sacrifices and service, because of the one truth that almost everything can be circumscribed to: