As a little girl, I dreamed of being a teacher, a writer, an archeologist.
But every single one of those dreams was laced with one constant: children.
I bought yearbooks every year of high school for my kids -expressly so they could browse them when they got older. I saved old outfits I wore and put them in bins in storage so my kids could look through what their mom wore as a teenager. Who DOES that? It never once crossed my mind that I wouldn't have children... not until I miscarried my first pregnancy.
Today I sat on my loveseat with my baby in my lap and my two tired, bed-headed children at my feet and it sunk in like a sinking ship.
This is my last week as a stay at home mom. This is the last few days of a blessed, living-the-dream era for Alicia.
My time will not be wholly my own.
I'm grateful for a job and grateful I am able to find one close to home -even one that will allow me to keep my kids with me from time to time.
But this is my last week to savor my true dream, to embrace it and hold it close and inhale every aspect of it.
As the new school year starts, so will my new life.
With a new life comes new dreams. And that's okay.
The Lord will take care of us: of me, of him, of the children, of our family in whatever form it may take.
I feel exactly like Kathleen Kelly as she's getting ready to close up her Little Shop Around the Corner in "You've Got Mail."
My mentor is standing next to me saying, "Closing the shop is the brave thing to do."
I don't feel very brave. I feel very scared.
I've never done well with change, and I never thought "stay-at-home" would be stripped from my title as "mother." Not like this, not in this way, and not before all of my kids were in school full time.
But it's time for new dreams.