In the LDS church, members are given "callings" -volunteer positions to keep the church functioning in an organized manner.
It's a great system that doesn't always work perfectly -just like life -and it gives members the opportunity to serve in a variety of ways.
I've served as a teacher, a leader, a pianist... I've given talks, treats, time, projects! I've only ever hated ONE calling. I was called as the "compassionate service leader" and it made me physically ill to call and ask people to help other people. I agonized over who to bother LESS with casserole-making.
"Hi, um, this is Alicia... Sister So-and-So just had a baby and I'm wondering if you'd be able to make dinner for her on Thursday?"
Sometimes (most times) I would just make the meals myself because asking people to help was so sickeningly difficult for me.
It still is. I almost cried with happiness when they released me.
We are asked to magnify the callings we receive... to prayerfully work at our task and endeavor to hold and perform the calling in the same way Christ himself might.
I'm currently holding a lot of callings -none of which I am magnifying in the least.
I'm the organist for our Sacrament Meetings, and I don't practice. I mess up a lot when I play. As in, I've turned heads, and not in a good way.
I'm a sub scout leader, and yesterday my Lone Cub Scout walked through my door and I went, "Oh! HI! So glad YOU remembered about scouts today!" (the "I certainly didn't" was implied.)
I'm a stake missionary for the addiction recovery program, and I've given up on even holding meetings -mostly because parking in the seminary parking lot each week BY MYSELF triggered abandonment and loneliness. The leaders over me haven't responded to my requests for paperwork, training, or HELP. I'm going to ask for a release.
I'm a Primary Teacher and I read my lessons the day before I give them.
Clearly, I can improve.
And here's where the big but comes in.
I believe -so strongly, so so deeply -that God has inherently called each of us to God Callings.
Each Child of God is sent to earth endowed with gifts to help them magnify their calling: teacher, athlete, scientist, musician, healer, preacher!
So many callings!
Working recovery has helped me to find and define what my own personal callings are. God wants me to use my voice: teach, write, laugh, share! God wants me to tell stories, to find metaphors in BASICALLY EVERYTHING. He wants me to reach out and share my life with others in order to bring light and connection where there once was darkness and loneliness.
God wants me to be a free spirit -He wants me to keep my feet off the ground, my wild hair around my face... He does NOT want me to be controlled by fear or another person (or fear or another person).
God wants me to give of what I have, no matter how meager it may seem.
God trusts me with children -my own and those scuttling around my ankles in the supermarket.
Right now, I am magnifying my callings by FINDING THEM OUT through recovery, and God is giving me strength to simply carry on with my church callings.
I complete them well enough for now, and when the time is right and in God's timing, I will find that my NEXT RIGHT THING is reading my church lesson on Friday or Thursday and maybe even on Monday.
But that's not what He wants right now.
I can magnify my God Callings today by doing what I'm doing right now: writing.
It's more important, more vital, more life-giving than anything else.
I am filled with gratitude at God's perfect plan -the way he seamlessly sews us all together in a puzzle of community perfection. Where there is a healer needed, a healer is found. Where there is a nurturer, a nurturer is found. There's a mechanic and an organizer. There's someone who is completely fulfilled by bringing beauty to bodies, spaces and faces. There's someone who knows their way around mechanics and chainsaws... someone who makes desk living look attractive. There's someone with a lush garden and someone with homemade breads and pies.
A family or any kind of community knit together in mutual love, appreciation and respect for individuality and God Callings is HEAVEN ON EARTH.
Addiction twisted this truth -wrenched it out of control.
I felt I knew what was best for Danny.
In many ways, Danny felt he knew what was best for me.
As we take a step back and try to find ourselves, we stand in awe of each other... we begin to respect the God Callings in each other instead of trying to morph them out of fear.
Danny is a leader -he has a passion for justice that is brought out magnificently in his job. Danny loves music -it speaks to him, and he uses his own musical voice to speak to others.
So often I've tried to force a love of literature on him. So often, I've tried to get him to STOP GETTING WORKED UP over justice issues beyond his control.
But I'm coming around to just watching Danny dive inside of himself.
I'm an observer on his individual journey to God -not an active participant. In the end, it's ONLY about Danny and God.
The same is true for myself.
It's bumpy, but the rewards of uncovering and magnifying my God Callings? WORTH IT.
The best part? I love my callings. God attaches passion to each of his God Callings , so that what He calls His children to do is fulfilling and pleasing unto them!
Not as true for ward callings that cause me to face character weaknesses.
There are women who are called by God to be compassionate service leaders, and I'm not one of them. But in doing that calling, I gained a GIGANTIC appreciation for women who are naturals.
Thank you for them.
Thank you for the engineers, the athletes, the painters. Thank you for the beautiful voices, the crafters, the brainy business ones.
Your children are brilliantly magnificent.
You must be so proud.