I'm working as a church service missionary right now -I'm a facilitator for the PASG program in our area.
I'm a Primary President right now.
I'm 35 weeks pregnant today.
And I'm a taker.
I take, take, take from everyone around me.
I call my mom when I'm short of flour or sugar or eggs. I call my neighbors for babysitting help. And I'm ALWAYS on the receiving end of goods and goodies.
"Here, take my super trendy maternity dresses," said my fashion-forward friend.
"Here's a nursing cover I made for you. And here's some jam. And here's a dinner," said my friend who is no stranger to the world of porn-addicted husbands.
"Here's some diapers and a pan of desserts," said the mother of one of my Primary kids (who told her mom that I needed them -what a sweet kid).
"Here's some homemade applesauce and pumpkin muffins," said my friend down the street with three kids of her own.
I hate being a taker. I hate it.
That isn't to say that I don't love my nursing cover (oh my STARS it is adorable! I hung it on my wall!) or that I didn't polish off the apple crisp that landed on my doorstep yesterday.
I just feel so in debt.
I feel like it will never be possible for me to thank enough or give enough back -ever. It bothers me.
As I thought about it, I realized that this is an opportunity for me to gain more understanding of the Atonement.
I've been a taker all my life, whether I've realized it or not.
The Savior has given His all for me, and I take it. I take it every day. I can never, ever repay that debt... but I vow to die trying.
And those who give to me... those I take from... they're simply doing the same thing: doing their best to repay a debt.
Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matt. 25:37–40.)
I appreciate my family and friends who serve me with love.
And I promise that even though I can't begin to repay, I can always serve you with love in my own way.
It isn't easy being a taker -the natural woman in me doesn't like it one little bit. But it's humbling me and teaching me that taking is part of life and necessary for salvation.
Incidentally, giving is also part of life and necessary for salvation.
Today I'm going to slowly do some cleaning and then take some time to write a few thank you notes.
I can't give much right now, but I can give some. A few cookies, a few notes of gratitude -surely that's something I can do today.
I know Heavenly Father has seen the givers that have come to my door during this pregnancy.
They're all paying on their debt through love, charity, and kindness -qualities that will go with them throughout the eternities.
I'm grateful for them.
And even though it can be a hard pill to swallow, I'm grateful to be a taker.
I didn't used to be a taker... I used to handle my husband's addiction "on my own" and those were the darkest days of my life.
When I opened up my door to the Savior and to loving friends and family... and I TOOK from them...
I began to live again.
How grateful I am that we all have each other.