Thursday, November 15, 2012

Recovery Husband

My husband has a sexual addiction that has the potential to forever wreck his family.

But my husband IS NOT his addiction.  

I could understand leaving him if he was his addiction -if his addiction defined him.

But last night:
I spent hours doing family history research, looking for a name for this sweet baby coming into our lives, and in the middle of reading about my greatgreatgreatgreat grandmother's alcoholic and abusive father (who beat her so hard she had scars for the rest of her life)... my husband pulled me up from the computer.
He walked me into our bedroom and bathroom where he'd ran a hot bubble bath for me.
There were candles and my favorite pandora station playing softly.

I soaked and soaked and soaked -the water was boil-a-lobster, just the way I like it.  My body aches ALL over, and the hot water felt so good on my tired muscles.
After my bath was over, my husband wrapped me in hot towels (he'd put them in the dryer).  
Then he gave me a massage, keeping me wrapped in hot towels the entire time.

And then he gave me a Priesthood Blessing.
I've been so stressed, so so so stressed about labor and delivery.  I'm worried about the baby and I'm worried about recovery (post-partum) and I'm worried, SO WORRIED and it's interfering with my balance.
His blessing was a balm -He blessed me with peace and calm, blessed me to know what was best for my body, blessed me to know the difference between false concerns and real concerns.
It ended with, "Know that He loves you very much."

I do know that He loves me, but what a world of good it did to HEAR it!  

I slept better last night than I have in a long time.  I woke up, ate a few cookies and put the kids in front of the TV.
I'm 36 weeks and 1 day.  I was exactly this far along when I gave birth to my son.
I'm really, really tired.

I wanted something for breakfast -something filling and wonderful and healthy, but I didn't have the energy to make anything.  So I ate some cookies instead.

Then there was a knock on the door.  My friend from down the street brought me a warm quiche and took my daughter with her.
"I'll get her off to school," she said.

I DO know that my Father in Heaven loves me.  He sends me quiches and babysitters and massages... He can read my mind, my thoughts, and hear my every prayer.

"Please give my husband some degree of empathy," I prayed one night last week, "I don't expect him to understand what I'm going through, but this is so hard.  Please.  Help."

And the Lord sent me a huge dose of Recovery Husband and topped it off with warm breakfast quiche.
My husband really IS like that.  He's thoughtful and aware.
"Why did you do all of this?" I asked him last night after thanking him profusely.
"Because you're carrying a baby," he said.
My prayer was one of gratitude last night.

Thank you for sending me Recovery Husband.  Thank you for reminding me why I stick this out.
Thank you hearing me.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you.


  1. Alicia...tears are welling up in my eyes! What a sweet and blessed post. Thank you for sharing this today:) This is a true testimony that God is very aware and love us all so much weaknesses and all. You hubby is a sweetie!

    My prayers are with you to have things go smoothly...labor and recovery.

    Love you friend! I hope to hug you one day:)

    1. I love that internet brings us together, but I hate that it keeps us from being able to hug :)
      I wish we could all meet up for a temple session, or something.

  2. Beautiful story. Thanks so much for sharing. It's so amazing to hear stories like this of hope and healing and tender mercies. I'm so happy for you!

    1. My husband has these amazing days (moments?) and they mean so much to me given everything else...
      you know?

      Sometimes I look at his track record and I think, 'What is my DEAL? Am I some kind of doof?' but nights like last night -where he is genuinely PRESENT -remind me of just what kind of man I'm holding out for.
      And I have to write about them so I can come back and remind myself when the not-so-awesome moments come :)

    2. Hey moma-to-be!
      How did you doc appt go today? We missed you. It makes me think of something Just Me said today, "it HAS to addiction. Otherwise you are just mean." Sounds like your husband is most definitely NOT mean. Glad you got the royal treatment today. :)

    3. SO true. I wish I could have been there!! The appointment went good -it was actually with a cardiologist. They're thinking my son and I have a heart condition that may or may not be fatal (I'm not too worried because it looks like the type of condition we have is very much NOT fatal, but we have to get it checked out anyway).

      I miss you ladies so much!!!