We went to the city last week for a couple of Dr. appointments and some grocery shopping. The day was strenuous, and I longed for the days when going to the city was something I looked forward to.
Those were the days when I walked out of my front door with nothing but my wallet and a date and didn't end up saying things like "we don't eat the gum under the tables."
After a long day of allergy testing for my husband and shot getting for our baby, we were tired. My make-up had melted off in the Arizona sun. My husband and I had spent the week prior in complete emotion disconnect that had mounted into a mountain of yuckiness. I wasn't looking forward to our day in the city one bit.
He felt rejected.
I felt hopeless.
The kids felt depraved of generosity because we wouldn't buy them everything they wanted.
We stopped on the way home at the Wal-Mart nearest to our home to grab a few things, and as I stood in the check out line and managed three kids on my own (a pox on whoever thought it would be a gas to put toys and candy right at the eye level of the childrens)... I was totally focused on the task at hand.
"If you put your fingers on that, they will get smashed."
"That's not ours."
"Can you put this up there for Mommy?... watch out for the eggs!"
"Scoot over, please."
And things were going pretty well. My voice never raised. The Childrens minded for the most part.
The baby DROPPED her favorite toy: a soft book that makes crinkle noises when you hug it. She immediately began fussing, and I started to reach around the cart (I was on the end side of the cart, the baby faced away from me)...
and the person in line behind me picked it up before I could even make any headway.
I met their eyes to thank them and was surprised to realize it was one of my friends! She'd been standing there all along! I quickly thanked her and apologized for not SEEING her there sooner.
"It's okay," she laughed, "I could see you were in The Grocery Zone and I didn't want to mess that up. It's not easy going shopping on your own, and you were doing so awesome I didn't want to throw a wrench in it."
What a sweet, forgiving friend.
And I wonder: will they all be so forgiving when I snap out of The Recovery Zone? I plan to always work recovery for the rest of my life, but right now it's a life line. I'm honed in. I'm focused. So much of my time and energy goes into THIS. Watching educational videos, reading, praying, learning, texting, meetings...
I'm discovering and learning so much!!! I'm learning about me and life and love and Heavenly Father. I'm learning and changing and growing!I'm adopting a new mantra, "If you've got it all together, you're doing it wrong."
Through it all, I pray that my friends and family, who I value so very dearly, will still be behind me AND still be willing to pick up my baby's dropped toys. or my dropped toys.
I hope they know my heart.