Monday, June 3, 2013

I Know I Know Nothing

I want to raise my children without shame.

I want to view mankind, myself, and my husband in an equal light.  I want to break free from the "less than" and "better than" chains that bind me.

I want to live fearlessly.

I want to eat right because I love my body and not because I'm afraid of gaining weight/physical ailments.

I want to exercise because I LOVE my body and not because I'm afraid of what others think or afraid of hating myself because my pants pester and squeeze at my hips.

I want to forgive my Grandad for the damage he caused his family, my mother -the foolish traditions of my Grandad were unwittingly passed down to me.

I want to TRULY UNDERSTAND WHO I AM.  I know I am a Child of God.  But I know I don't fully understand what that means.

I do not know how to do any of these things.  I am powerless to manage them. 
I don't feel like I'm failing... I feel empowered in my admittance, and I embrace the freedom of not knowing.

I have no answers.  I have no self-help tools.  I know nothing.

Lord, help thou my unbelief.
Lord, I love, but I also fear.  Fear is of The Father of all Lies... fear is a lie.  The opposite of Love is Fear.

To love, to understand love, to let go of fear... to have the freedom to shed my prideful layers and show my vulnerability -I will connect with Thee, with myself, with my family, with all.

Help my unbelief.
I believe.