Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Wobble, Wobble

There are SO many fine lines.

Scabs and Jane talked about fine lines awhile ago, and so many people have referenced back to their posts because seriously.  our lives are a myriad of fine lines, tight ropes, what-have-yous.

And today I find myself hopping from one side to the other, never really landing on that line or rope or what-have-you.

I spend half of my time in shame, wondering WHY the house isn't clean, why I have no energy, why I'm not thinking of others.

And then I spend the other half of my time feeling calm in the mess, satisfied to rest, and comfortable in my oblivion to the outside world.

Healthy thinking is somewhere in the middle, and I'll get there. 
I always do.

Wanna know how I know?  Because I've done this before.  I swing far right, bounce far left, ricochet... with every bounce, every ricochet, I hit closer to home.  Eventually, I get there.
I'll get there.

Today I'm getting closer.  I'm actually in jeans, which is more than I can say for the last 10 days.  And my tub is clean, which is also more than I can say for the last ten days.

But you know what else?  If I had come off of last week on top of game... if I had come off unaffected... THAT would be unnatural.
My emotions went the rounds on Saturday ALONE. 
Now I'm detoxing.
Detoxing, detoxing, relaxing, breathing.

At least, half of the time I am....

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