Years ago, I gave my husband to God -I'd kept him for years, audacious enough to somehow believe that he belonged to me.
It's all very 50's doo-wop and romantic-sounding... with *just a hint* of maniac control.
Now that I've done my best to dust that kind of mentality on my mom jeans, I still find myself running into situations that are
out of my hands.
It's one thing when porn isn't looked at. Sobriety on the part of the addict somehow mandates my being MORE okay, right? I mean, not 100% ship-shape, but... better?
I somehow feel like asking for SOBRIETY AND RECOVERY is too much. It makes me high strung and mean and impatient... unkind, lacking compassion.
But the truth is: Danny never was in my hands or my power or control. He acted as he would.
And when I finally, finally, FINALLY accepted that and let go completely... I found that trust is something I had to let go of as well.
He may be sober, but there is no trust. Will there ever be?
Who can know?