Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Getting Lost

On the third day of our honeymoon, my husband and I got lost in San Diego.  It's not hard to do.  Every street has the exact same name and they run circles around each other for fun.

As we drove around looking for a beach using a map (no GPS back then!) and our guts (no smartphones either!) we wound up driving aimlessly around, wasting gas and precious honeymoon time.

My new husband became frustrated.  I sensed his frustration, and knew right away it was my responsibility to medicate it, improve it, REMOVE it!  It was my duty.  I was, after all, his sweet new wife.  So I pulled our (film) camera out and began snapping pictures.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"It's LOST DAY!" I said and asked to please stop looking so mad and start looking more "lost" so the pictures would reflect the day accurately in our honeymoon scrapbook (which still hasn't been made, thanks for asking).

Lost Day.
It was the most memorable day of our honeymoon filled with random pictures of places we saw and people we passed.  Our faces look sad, confused and pathetic (I posed us accordingly) (see picture above ^^^^). 

Lost Day became a game.

Being lost isn't always bad.  In fact, I might go so far as to say: it's never really bad at all unless you're under the age of 5.

Lately, I've been feeling like Alicia has been lost in the world of recovery work. 
I have a job because my husband has an addiction.
I go to meetings every week because my husband has an addiction.
I study addiction materials.
I make addiction calls.
I have an addiction sponsor.
I set up appointments with a reflexologist to help me manage my stress and physical pain caused by the trauma sexual addiction has brought into my life.

WHERE AM I in all of this?  Where is the girl who crochets and sews and writes and laughs?  Where is the girl who can look at a seemingly bad situation and find a LOST DAY in it all?

As I've thought about this, something rang true.  It rang LOUD and it rang CLEAR.

Right now.  Today.  I am more FOUND than I've ever been.

I am not lost right now.  Addiction recovery doesn't define me... it "finds" me.
I cannot get lost in recovery work.  I can only find more of myself as I practice the principles of the Atonement and come unto Christ daily.

When I come to Christ and my eternal Heavenly Father, I come to know them.  Coming to know them means coming to know myself.
I am a part of Them.  They have given parts of themselves to me!

Recovery has simply revealed as much to me.
As I continue to work it, it will continue to reveal more of me.

My life has San Diego days, when everything feels like I'm running in identical circles... and during those Lost Days, I can do what Alicia does.
Crochet something bright, crank Loretta Lynn, and take pictures of it all.  It's not 2004 anymore.  I have tools today that I didn't have on our honeymoon or for many years thereafter. 

I have GPS and a smartphone to go with my recovery materials and sponsors.

But how did I find those tools?
I got lost.

Getting lost isn't always bad.


  1. I love sweet, little, lost newlywed Alicia! So stinkin' cute!

  2. That doesn't look like you AT ALL! I'm not sure I believe it is.... Lol.

    1. I weighed like 30 pounds less and had an eye infection :) But I promise it's me and my Jimmy Eat World shirt!!