Contemporary Palsy

In Step 2 of the Healing Through Christ Manual, we read:

His hallowed hands allowed the
blind man to see, blessed the lame to walk, and gave
life once again to those who had died. These same
powerful hands will restore our sight, and allow us to
walk free from the paralyzing effect of despair and
hopelessness. His loving grace will resurrect our
hope, restore our spiritual and emotional health and
heal our wounds.

I felt prompted to read the scripture passage in Mark 2: 1-12 in which Christ heals a paralyzed man. 

I have felt so paralyzed in the past.  My spiritual progression was paralyzed when I was working to save my husband (which is impossible) instead of focusing on my own progression. 
Despair and hopelessness were a part of my daily life, and they were paralyzing -they ARE paralyzing.

Four men carried the paralytic to the Savior.  Despite the man's inability to move himself, I'm sure he had to consent to be moved... to WANT to be carried to the Savior... he just didn't know how to get himself there.
I feel much the same way.  In the midst of my paralytic state, I knew I wanted to be moved -to make the journey to the Savior, but I didn't know how... not really. 
A group of strong women carried me.  I know some of these women personally -others brought me to the Savior through their written words.  I've never met some of them personally though I feel as if I know them.
The journey to the Savior required perseverance.  The four men that carried the paralytic weren't deterred by a crowd -they raised the roof!
The paralytic had faith that he would be healed.
What was that like?  He entered a crowd in his paralyzed state which must have been difficult.  He put himself out in a gigantic crowd at his worst -all in the name of faith. 
What must the crowd thought when they saw him?  They must have stared. 

How many times have I let my fear of the crowd dictate my willingness to come to the Savior? 
How many times have I feared the crowd -what they might think of me -more than the Savior?

There's a paralytic in me, and the 12-step program has taught me how to overcome the fears that are keeping me from the Savior.
I've feared what others might think as I'm healing... my house, my kids, my diet... everything seemed to fall apart while I was paralyzed and hurting.  I didn't want anyone to see me at my worst, and that included my Savior.  I wanted Him to be proud of me.  I wanted Him to be able to trust me.  How could He trust me if I couldn't take care of myself?

I couldn't exist like that -I couldn't exist like that and remain sane.  I hit rock bottom and turned to any healing source I might have: recovery books, recovery blogs, recovery groups, recovery manuals.
And I became willing to be taken to the Savior to receive his healing.

It's a circling journey, one that I ought to take daily (if not more).

"The ultimate and only true and living change agent is the Savior.  He is the source of all change.  He changed water into wine -bringing the very best liquid refreshment to the celebration.  As you turn to him, he will bring the very best out of you.  He will indeed rescue all that is finest down deep inside of you.  And what a celebration that will be!
Ask for his help.  Asking for the Savior's help is another way to come closer unto him...
He changed limbs that were weak.  And he can change your mobility and direction to help you move to the next level of your life and help you in your efforts to shore up the feeble knees that are around you.  Ask for his help."
~Wendy L. Watson