Arise

**The winner of the necklace is anna belle!  Email me your contact info and I'll get it shipped out post haste.  I'll even use an English accent when I ask the post mastah for a stahmp**

I've always dreamed of attending the Salt Lake Temple. 

Thursday night, I was able to finally fulfill that dream.  With a belly full of Cafe Rio, my best friend on my right and my sister on my left, I went through a live session.  Oh, it was beautiful.  I saw so many things I'd never seen before.  I heard so many things I'd never truly heard.  And to be there with JUST women -my two favorite women -was priceless.  It meant so much to me.  I attended the Temple with the two people I feel safest with in the entire world.

At one point in the session, I was unexpectedly moved to tears as I was brought to a realization of how the Lord would have his sons accept his daughters.  The realization penetrated me to my very center.
My value as a daughter -the reverence in which my Father holds me -it settled into my heart deeper than it ever had before.

I can't put it into words -the Spirit doesn't speak like that.  I can only communicate to you that it DID happen and that I felt and heard it with my heart.

Saturday morning, I sat in a class at The Togetherness Conference and the same feeling overtook me... the degree in which I felt it was lesser, but it was unmistakable.  The Lord was telling me something.  It was a direct message from Him.  I mean, it was Maurice Harker speaking, but it was the Lord communicating.
"The men will rise up," Maurice said.

It isn't that women are better.  It isn't that men are better.  It is simply that the sons of God must and will rise up to meet and care for the daughters of God.

The Lord wants his daughters to be SAFE.

Last night, I realized that despite my husband's recovery efforts I still don't feel safe. 
My husband has risen up more lately than he ever has, but all I can do is watch.  I can't invest.  I can't shove down my trauma and exchange it for gratitude. 

I can wait for consistency in his rising up.  I can sit and watch him rise again and again and again.
Heavenly Father has helped me find a place of safety... a place where I can rest and watch.  It's calm and there's no crazy train.  There is only serenity in my safe place.
My husband has not offered me such a place.
When and if he does, My Father in Heaven will speak to my heart -just as the Spirit did Thursday night -and I WILL KNOW.  I will know. 
And when that happens, I will make a merge between my celestial safe place and my earthly safe place.

In that moment, I will witness first hand a son of God rising.
At least... that is what I dare to hope.  If that hope is not realized, I can find serenity, safety, and solace in my celestial surrender.