Thursday, May 23, 2013


Music is a big part of my self-care -I shouldn't wonder since it's been such a big part of my life.

Sometimes, though, I forget to listen to music that I actually like, and I plaster my life with classical music and soothing tones.

Yesterday I had a rough day, I was coming off of confessing to my husband.  He was at work, and I was home with a swirl of emotions (and hormones, it turns out -this baby has not left me with a clean slate to work with).
I had to go to the store.
But I couldn't seem to get off the computer.  I was shaking and checking the forum, wondering if all my wifeys would sort of kick me our of their herd (not that I'm somehow just one in a grand herd of cattle, but I can't help but think in cow terms preeeetty much constantly).
When I finally looked at the clock and realized I'd pushed it JUST about as far as I could, I packed up my two littlests and went to Wal-Mart.  It's a thirty minute drive, and it was really windy yesterday.
I had to speed.
Had to get milk.
And a new controller.  I can't BELIEVE I broke that controller.  I can't believe how much I rely on that stupid playstation.  It's like, if I didn't have Netflix, the world would somehow crumble!  Ugh, pathetic.
Oooomph, I can't believe I just backed over that stupid well thingy again.  You would think after living here for three years...
This day is so ridiculous.  I'm failing at it.  Failing, failing, failing,
Oh, smile and wave at the neighbor!  Hi!  I'm a nice person and so are you!
How DID the tank of gas get so low?  Oh well, I can't worry about that right now.  If I don't make it back in time, I won't be here when the bus drops my daughter off and this is HER day.  Her big graduation day.
I should have left earlier.  If I had it together, I would have.
Stupid Rascal Flatts.  I hate Rascal Flatts.

At this point, I changed the radio station to our very local station (ten miles away as opposed to 75) and Loretta Lynn filled my ears.
Hey, Loretta.
And peace came.  Happiness came.  Energy, strength, it all came pouring through my speakers, and my used Jeep Cherokee's front seat (which is loose because those are the kinds of cars I drive) bounced around as I shook my hips as far as my seat belt would let me.

Loretta's husband cheated on her.  A lot.  And she wrote a lot of songs about it.  A lot.  Youtube gives us, "Fist City" and "You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man."

Loretta Lynn is the one who inspired me before I "met" women like Rhyll and Colleen Harrison.  When I was in Victim Land, I would crank some Loretta and took her strength.
And yesterday, when I turned the radio station and heard my Loretta coming through the pipes, I knew there was no such thing as coincidences.
The Lord was telling me in such a personal way, "Here's some strength, girl."
I came home from that trip and had two piano lessons to teach, a house to clean, a cake to bake, inlaws to host... and I cranked my Loretta Lynn Pandora station and giggled at how applicable classic country is to addiction.
Everyone's cheatin'
Everyone's drinkin'
and these boots were made for walkin'

I'm so grateful for the Lord's tender awareness of me and my needs.  Oh, to be so aware of my own children!
On that note, Loretta is touring this year.  Think I can talk my main squeeze into a concert?  If not, I'll snag one of my wifeys with a taste for twang.

I just love this clip where the media asks Loretta is she's a feminist. Her answer resonates with me.  She's resilient.  Does that make her a feminist?  It just makes her honest and strong.  And, incidentally, it makes her one of my wifeys.
"Why didn't you just divorce him?" The interviewer asks.
"I loved 'im," she says.


  1. I LOVE this post. I'm so sorry for all the things you are experiencing, but I'm grateful you write about it. This completely hit my heart. I'm kind of the same way. I listen to so much classical and church music, and I love it. But sometimes, I forget how much I love the other stuff I listen to and I NEED the other [fun] stuff.

    I also loved how you wrote out your thoughts. When I read it, I imagined all that running through my head and racer speed and feeling the frustration and darkness threatening to overcome me. I don't know if that's how it happened for you, but that's what would be happening if this was me.

    I think you are awesome! Thanks for your blog. And, in particular, your past few posts :)

  2. I love you Alicia and I especially miss you!!!! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing yourself with us.

    I agree with Alma about the self talk. Why do we do that to ourselves?! It makes me really excited for the next Addo Recovery video.

    Also, I had NEVER heard of Loretta Lynn and I can't believe she is in her 80's, doesn't look it!

  3. I love this post Alicia. that clip on Loretta Lynn is awesome.

    We are that strong.

    We just haven't had as much time to prove it. You just wait and see- when we are 80, it will show.